dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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