Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize