Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
