Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
