I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
