3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
smell my finger.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
