can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
