i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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