I want to walk on stilts...naked
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
