My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize