So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
