I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
