haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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