So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
