I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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