he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
