The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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