I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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