I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
