we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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