My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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