why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
