I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize