They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
