I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
