hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize