i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
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