So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
