Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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