I am puke
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
