help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
