I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
