Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
