I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
