They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
