based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I believe in your delicious
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
