I'm sorry my penis didn't work
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
