Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
this boner is exhausting
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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