No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
