I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
