It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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