how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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