So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
