I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
