If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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