you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
