I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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