I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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