I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
