we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
