I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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