And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize