Tell her she can't have a vagina
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
