If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize