Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
