redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
