I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Randomize
