he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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