And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
