Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize