the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
