i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
