Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
