can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
