I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
