Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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