My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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