God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
