If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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