3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
