a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
