THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
