Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
