Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
