Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
