She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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