weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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