i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
