I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
