not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My vagina is officially offended.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
