oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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