Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
