$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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