I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
