stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
