So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
