I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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