Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
