I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Boobs are out for the taking
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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