Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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