Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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