dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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