blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
