Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
