Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
