there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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