i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
