Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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