IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
