dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
