Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
